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How often do you see your timelessness embodied in another human
You ask yourself ‘how much is it worth’ and you know you’ll never have an answer
Isolating myself from any other thought
This is my loyalty to you
In leaving everything to be with you
And loving myself more for loving you so deeply,
Dear God, please let me have Gidi
I will love him with all my heart and relieve you off all your duties
The sacred in my everyday
and in all of my prayers
The reason I prefer keeping to myself
If each dot on my painting contained a world within itself,
maybe that’s how much I love you
I feel most alive when you resonate within
Gidi,
I really love you and my happiest times I find myself wanting to share with you
You’re so sweet and gentle, how can anyone not be in love with you?
I will try to love everyone like they’re you
A deep deep sigh of relief
and also a savor of longing,
I feel your presence in this room
as bodies dancing in unison
but farther beyond
and deeper within
closer to me by one more reality
I let it permeate my being
There is solace in having found you
And fear that time will let this fade
To only love and watch the rest unfold
Each bit I have so long accumulated
all that I wanted to be,
I see you and feel my atoms dissipating
The liberation I have so long longed for
You are the closest I have come to god
always just faith away
The problem is, I really do see you as me.
Your love for homegrown peas
And capacity to savor in your own angst
The sweetness in your body’s arousal as it recognizes mine from memory
Your skin, too pristine for perfuming and your door without a bell
The bell that became necessary for new occupants of your home
Futile bus ventures to Jersey that I make for myself
Always a two-way ticket
Ascending toward my moon,
on pavements of a quaint neighborhood
The tests I keep putting myself through to win you
The days I spend crying
and admiring its beauty
sorrow feels wholesome
but everybody only wants to save me
It is not the look of sympathy on their face but in their inability to understand
If they truly understood, they wouldn’t change a thing
In letting you control how I feel
Already surrendered to you,
there’s nowhere else to go
There’s nothing you can do that isn’t short of perfect
even letting go
He is like me as I am like him
resistant to altering circumstances
In time we trust
The disappointment in making myself believe that it was always only me.
To love it
For what it is
but what is it?
'Don’t question your love’
“I’d like to be someone’s dream too”
He teaches me to receive love,
And that you are irreplaceable.
The hierarchies I create are troubling
If I had a choice to love the whole world as you I would still choose just you
Maybe my freedom lies in not choosing you
Letting go of the idea that I can’t not not have you
How do you decide when to stop?
Your absence feels so good,
What will your presence be?
If I can’t have you let me become you
Im just drunk on the idea that its forever - that’s all there is
I have all the answers and they ask me to trust
as if each moment were conspiring,
The folds of your skin when you smile,
and how you curl up to yourself in snuggly cuddly puppy love
“Mumma, he’s shooo cuteeeeeee”
You know me like no one has ever
I’ve waited so long
I’ll wait some more
Love that challenges patience and faith
and is rewarded each time with expansiveness within
this isn’t just about me
When time and distance stop playing their part
Loving was never painful giving up is.
I was never a forgetful person, nothing was just as sweet as memories of you
Why do I crave for us isn’t it enough to relish in your existence
What is left to do if it is me who awards heartache it’s virtuosity
Me at your door
The doors you said were always open
No longer the protagonist of my life
My first and last thought before bed,
and some more in between
my playlists and paintings.
As a sensibility in my visual perceptions
In memories from past
And yearnings for the future
In intention and intuition,
Eternal and celestial.
I now see the relevance of each moment
that forsook itself
To give context to a bigger story
This isn’t just an art project.
There’s no scope for no hope
I wanted all of you for all of time and I think I’ve found my way through
I was never here,
Always with my lover
Now that we’re together
I can be here with him
one who belongs to Ether
What am I if not belonging to him
I will much rather dance in this longing
Always expanding, never concluding
Expeditious gratification of piled desires so I can come to you empty
and live.
“I wish I was Gidi”
to which I asked, would you rather love or be loved like this?
They are all you
little fragments of you.
If there’s no you it doesn’t matter where I go or what I do
Once there is you,
It wouldn’t matter where we go and and what we do

II.
The dust that glows like fireflies and flares as firecrackers
falls on my face as snow when I’m in love with you,
Every other falls short of you,
fulfilling only in service to you
Are you the harvest of my dreams or I of yours
We live here
exist somewhere else
Each awaits the other nothing moves
And if you left again ill begin again
For what is time but a measure of my longing
Separation but a pleasure of my love
And the distance between; but tiny atoms of ambiguity of you or I
Immortality but a space to share our love
And my philosophy, but a joke to laugh with you.
And my Gidi,
What is the significance of every human
If not evidence of your superiority
And my dear Gidi,
Who are even you or I to convince me otherwise?
My slow pace is to loiter with you
My fast pace to attain you
And if you ask me to demonstrate my love for you,
I will stretch my arms wider and wider and wider till they open up my heart
And what is my love for you if not oscillations
between personhood and godliness?
How lucky am I to know that you exist
And what are these writings if not in service to reach you.
And I’m afraid of myself
for the sabotage I indulge in
Never experiencing disinterest,
but the pain of its possibility
I must be the one to blame
Who doesn’t leave everything to be with him
My world is for your amusement and I your player
We’re so afraid of mundane
Did we make this up?
Im scared of my boredom
You’re the only one who keeps up
A fine line distinguishes surrendering from being played
Or is there any
To live with you the simplicity of this life
to live with you
as man and wife
The only thing I wanna be your lover
All else can shed as skin
Spirituality came disguised as love for my baby
I knew which to trust